From 2010
Two years ago, you changed my life forever. You began entering and leaving my life - both at the same time. I found my mother and friend in 3 very short months.
Then you were gone.
There could be no more laughter or pain shared - no more chances at what tomorrow could bring or mend for us - just memories, regrets, wishes washed away by tears.
I will always wish for one more chance to tell you that I loved you, that I still love you - but that will never happen. In it all - you were a mixture of love and hurt. I could walk into a room and see your love for me sparkle in your eyes. Your words grew kinder. I felt the love for me that you has shared with your friends and hidden from me. I had your pride. But it reminded me of how it hurt when I could not see your love and it hurt when your love was given, but with a finite clock ticking down the moment to its end.
I still think of you every day.
I cannot picture your face without a blurriness surrounding it, hiding you yet again from me as in those years from junior high to 4th of July "that" year.
"That" year when a surprise birthday party was a parting gift to your only child. "That" year when a mother has to find a way to tell her own babies "that"... grandma is dying. "That" year when all my heart wanted was to believe in optimism but it knew it would not, could not, should not.
And through all of this, "that" year still has a beauty to it.
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