Listening to the Silence

I never thought I could

            or rather that I would

            listen to the silence of your heart.

I never knew I loved

            and that I also shoved

            my thoughts into the silence of your words.

You somehow felt I cared

            and when we truly shared

            the silence seemed to slip beyond.

You had to say goodbye

            and though I thought to cry

            the silence seemed to fill my eyes this time.

We moved our separate ways

            and yet I think to gaze

            back through the silence of our lives.

We love deep in our hearts

            and never truly part

            because the Silence says so much

            that words could never tell.

The Astrology of Love

I am an Aries:
fire sign ruled by Mars.

(are you my mars?)

Not understanding all this means,
But comprehending enough to know -

You and I will work this through.

The stars don't tell me what to do.
But then again, neither do you.

Can stars collide in the night?
If so, then You and I can make this Right.

Mama

I'm a 45 year old grandmother.  My mother has been gone physically from my life for almost 5 years.

And she's still "Mama".

I spend a lot of my life living in her shadow because she was her own "rock star", in a sense.  I never went anywhere or did anything without  being identified as her daughter.  Certainly a benefit the majority of the time, but it does tend to steal a tad bit of your identify from you.  You get wrapped in a skin that doesn't necessarily belong to you.  I was "her daughter"

And she was  "mama".  I never would have said "my mama", just "mama".

For as loved as she was through her friends, her job, the strangers she embraced in every aspect of her life, she tended to keep me at arms length.  At 16, I felt so slighted, my cousin could visit and drive her car, but not her daughter.  That's how Mother and Daughter existed.

But she was "mama".

When I write, I have a tendency to speak as I type.  Hearing the words, starting off timid and weak, reaching a pattern.  Feeling the pauses a comma makes,  the words falling into thoughts.  The finality of a period at the end of a sentence.

And I hear "mama".

I'm well beyond that trick early grief plays where a phone rings and you think for one moment that it's going to be the voice you miss.  I don't wake up from a dream and feel that groggy wonderment that maybe this despair has been a dream.

But I hear my own voice speak "mama" and she answers.

In a flash of my mind, as if she's here.  She turns, she smiles, she's gone again.

But she's "my mama".

Today

Today, I am in love with being in love.

I'm still single, not dating, no one's "caught my eye".

But today, I am in love with being in love.

Dear...

I want to write you a love letter.

One day.

I will.

Love always and in all ways,

Velvet